I am not afriad of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today~William Allen White

Archive for February 19, 2011

The mean-spirited me

I believe there is an evil/mean-spirited/devilish side to all of us inside, and it is up to us to decide how far to let that side show through in our everyday lives. When walking down the street with bags hanging on both sides of my arms and I get pushed by random strangers without a backward glance or an apology, I would curse inside and imagine myself pushing that stranger back. I remember once I was just a mere step away from the bus stop and the bus driver decided to completely ignore my frantic waves and pull the bus away even though it is not in a restricted area. I was so angry at having to wait another ten minutes for the next bus, I started casting an evil spell on him. I remembered my little chant of wishing that every time he docks the ferry, the gate will close on him, every time he gets to the bus stop, the bus will be pulling away, every time he runs to the MTR, the doors will be closing, and every time he is crossing the street, the light has turned red. Ok, I am not proud of my little curses, but I was pissed off!

Of course, the jealousy bug will come out and bite me every now and then…”oh I wish I am as pretty as my friend”or “ I wish I could have met that guy and is happily in a relationship just like blah blah blah”…stuff like that. In case any of my friends stumbled onto my blog and recognized my face, I am genuinely happy for you all, call it envy if you will, I clearly have no ill-thoughts or random curses up my sleeves! I think we all have days when we are a little bit down in the dumps and wish for things we don’t have, or believe if we have this, our lives will be that much better, etc etc. I think it is relatively normal and healthy to have various devilish thoughts so long as these negative thoughts are fleeting and clearly in the head and not acted out. So long as I am able to contain the “devil me” from acting out, then I am just as sweet as candies right?

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